A Few of My Favourite Things

Whenever something goes wrong in my life, my brother evokes the Mother Superior from the Sound of Music and reminds me "whenever God closes a door, somewhere He opens a window". So, with redundancy looming, and the battle with ill-health feeling like one step forward, two back, I thought I'd take a leaf from his book.

Short of dancing down the street with a guitar case, singing "I have confidence in confidence alone...", I have resorted to my favourite things. (I don't actually own a guitar, and the neighbours might call the police if I dance and sing in the street.) Anyway, Maria and the Von Trapp children definitely felt better when they tried it. So, here goes.

My husband's voice on the phone. My parents, both on the line when I chat to them. Hearing that my brother and sister-in-law might visit. Roast chicken, the smell, the crack of the crisp skin, the moist succulent meat, everything. Bunny. The Gilmore Girls, any episode, any series. A happy budgie. My computer working. Re-reading Christopher Brookmyre novels. Spring (or should that be summer?) cleaning. Tinkyada rice pasta. A cup of tea. Hot and Sour Soup with rice noodles. Revising and realising I've actually learned something! A massage gone well. Cooking for other people. Spending time with my Maid of Honour. Photographs. Cola cubes. Feeding the ducks. Cheese on (ener-g) toast. NOT setting the alarm for the next morning. The fact that my Husband is excited about his work. Terry Wogan. Finally getting the template right on my bag. Finding clothes I forgot I had. Ginger. The Sound of Music. Dick Van Dyke, any era (young - he's like my uncle, older - I want him to be my grandfather). Sleeping through the night. The Mentalist. Tomatoes. Tamari. Visiting Glasgow. The Musician and the Actor. Wholegrain mustard. Raspberries.

Wow, I do feel better!

barbecues, gluten, and pavlova

It's barbecue time again. I know this because I have been to two over the weekend. I also know this because I am still suffering from gluten poisoning from the first one. I brought gluten free sausages with me, but they appear to have been cooked alongside all the gluten-containing bbq foods so I might as well have eaten them in a bun! At the second barbecue, this one at the Musician and the Actor's house, the Musician apologised for having "utterly failed" at finding suitable food for me. It was absolutely fine though, as I wasn't hugely in the mood for bbq food. All was made right by pavlova, made by the queen of pavlova, it was brilliant! A double-layered creation with fruit and fruit coulis, and slightly sweetened whipped cream. Utterly delicious. I completely forgot that I was feeling rubbish, such is the power of great Pavlova!

I've had two accidental gluten poisoning incidents since the colostomy, one was my own fault for not reading an ingredients list properly, a recipe had changed - previously gluten free, not any more. This weeks' bbq was worse. The colostomy means I get dehydrated more easily, so I feel awful quickly. My stoma nurse taught me to eat a banana, packet of crisps, and drink a glass of cola, it rehydrates you because it contains potassium, sodium and sugar. I wish I knew that 2 years ago, it really does work!

Calorie Boredom

I am afraid that I have become a calorie counter... In an attempt to put on weight I'm counting calories in order to eat at least 2500 calories a day. Recently, my weight has plateau-ed and I could really do with putting on another stone. I am keeping a food diary to make sure I eat enough every day, but now it's starting to dominate my conversations. I know at any given point in a day just how many calories I've eaten and which foods are the higher calorie options on the menu. Food is no longer fun, it's fuel. I can't enjoy something unless I know how much it's contributing to my daily target. I get panicky when I reach dinner-time and I'm not at least half-way through my quota. I love food, this is not right, I want to rediscover the enjoyment. I know it's not forever, but it's already boring me. 1175 calories so far...

Summer is here?

Officially, winter is over. Daylight Savings Time is a clue, so is my veg-box provider discontinuing their Winter Box. The part of my brain that is supposed to start craving salad and barbecue food at this time of year does not know. I'm still in the mood for soups and stews. What's wrong? I have on many occasions confessed my love of comfort food, but surely I need to get over this soon? I'm trying, my next veg-box will contain the salad box, and I'm attempting to go down the cold-meat-and-coleslaw route for lunch these days.

Perhaps it's the fact that the house we live in is cold all year round, or that every time the sun fights it's way out it rains, or maybe it just that the extra stressfulness of my life is pushing me to seek solace in warm and starchy comfort food. Whatever it is, I'm still a big fan of chicken. Roasted, poached, grilled, or pan fried, I'm happy. Then there's the stock. Risottos and soups are abundant. My craving for comfort food, at the moment, is constant. I finish one meal and I'm planning my next. I'm always hungry! I suppose it's a good thing, it'll help me put on weight. My dietitian is still concerned for my weight and I'd be happy to gain a kilo, or five. And yet, my weight has stayed the same all month, not an ounce, or gram, have I gained. Rubbish.

Well, I'm hungry and I have some chicken and pasta in the fridge...

Simple Pleasures

"What is it about chicken, coleslaw, and some kind of potato product that is so satisfying?" My husband's musings last night over dinner at Nando's. Maybe it's the soft, therapeutic warmth of well cooked chicken, the creamy, slightly oniony crunch of coleslaw, combined with the cheering full-up feeling from the starch, that makes it the ultimate comfort food. Maybe it was just the thoroughly relaxed atmosphere that we were able to dine in, thanks to Nando's gluten free food (check out http://www.nandos.co.uk/index.cfm?fuseaction=model.faq&cat=CU&description=Contact_Us) and the server who double checked everything in the restaurants' dietary information book. I had wrongly assumed that Nando's was off the menu, but actually, most of the menu is suitable for Coeliacs!

My husband had a point about chicken. Tonight, I poached a chicken (RSPCA Freedom Food Endorsed, of course) in chicken stock with chopped carrots, celery and onion, a couple of cloves of garlic, bay leaves, peppercorns, and a sprig of rosemary. I chopped more carrot, onion, and celery, gently sauteed until soft, added some of the beautiful, moist chicken meat and the poaching broth. Then, the last of Mrs Leepers Rice Alphabets made a delicious, nourishing supper. I'm a self-confessed comfort food addict and this was truly one of the most pleasing meals I've eaten in weeks.

And, as an added bonus, there's plenty of chicken left to make a salad for lunch tomorrow - with leftovers, and enough stock left to make another pot of soup (I'm thinking about cock-a-leekie with quinoa). Maybe even enough for a risotto?

Life Lessons

You learn something new every day... Or so the saying goes. Today has been an above average day.

Lesson #1 - Maize pasta will not behave like rice pasta in soup. It will go mad, break up and stick to the bottom of the pan. My soup now has the consistency of set jelly and has turned yellow. Must send an order for more Mrs Leepers rice alphabets to the in-laws in America.

Lesson #2 (not for the feint-hearted) - If you are very tired and wearing a pediatric colostomy bag in bed, be prepared for 3am shenanigans. The bag filled up, came off and my stoma kept on going. Putting my hand in it was the first I knew about it. After my bleary-eyed clean up operation, I had to remove my still slumbering husband from the bed, change the sheets, replace him, then find some warm pyjamas (the heating having long switched off) before crawling into bed to shiver myself back to sleep. Not the best start to a day!

Lesson #3 - If you are female and filling up your car radiator in a public car park, everyone will have an opinion on what the problem is. Even if you ALREADY KNOW what the problem is.

I accept that these lesson will not change the world. But, if even one person reading this thinks twice about putting maize pasta in turkey noodle soup, then my work is done.

In LoveMore

Yay! I have found the elusive LoveMore gluten free products in my local Waitrose. They appeared in the Coeliac UK food and Drink directoty updates late last year, but I couldn't find them anywhere. I even went as far as calling the company to find out if they had any local stockists.

Why, you may ask, all the fuss? Two words, Puff. Pastry. Something I believed was lost and gone forever for me as a Coeliac. The idea of making my own puff pastry didn't appeal (warm hands and no patience) and it seemed that no gluten free bakeries were up to the challenge. Until, that is, LoveMore. I am currently munching my way through a box of Savoury Straws - puff pastry cheese straws - and they are delicious! Light, flaky and just cheesy enough, they are sure to become a favourite. I have plans to try the Palmiers and Frozen Puff Pastry Block, all available from goodnessdirerct.com. Soon, I can start work on recreating my long-lamented Greggs chicken bake! Steak pie, apple strudel, sausage rolls, beef wellington, the possibilities are endless.

Now all I need is for someone to produce gluten free spring roll wrappers and my search will be complete!

A Lesson in Taxidermy

Last year, after watching Hugh Fernley-Whittingstall, my Husband announced that he wanted a multi-bird roast for his birthday meal. With help from Mayo Bros the butcher in Chesham Bois, who did not judge me, but did bone a chicken, duck and phesant for me I suceeded. The Husband had turkey fillets, inside phesant, inside chicken, inside duck, all layered with pork, onion and sage stuffing. To start, smoked mackarel pate and to finish, pavlova and lemon possett. All 12 at the dinner were suitably impressed, I was exhausted. I banned him from watching Hugh Fernley-Whittingstall ever again.

I didn't count on the Husband watching Heston Blumenthall with me the other week...
With just over 3 weeks until his birthday, the Husband has decided on meat trifle to start, followed by a Cockentrice. Dessert is my choice, so far.

Meat trifle (not the beef and custard effort by Rachel on Friends, apparently) is easier than I was expecting. Glynn Purnell made a Rabbit, Pea and Black Olive Trifle on The Great British Menu last year, the recipe is on the BBC food website. I plan to adapt that.

A Cockentrice is a mythical creature. Heston created one in his recent Tudor Feast on Channel 4. He comissioned a taxidermist to create the beast, with the head of a wild boar, body of a lamb, tail and wings of a goose and comb of a rooster. It looked amazing. Inside he placed a "joint" of chicken, pork, lamb and turkey cooked in a water bath. How exactly am I meant to create that at home??! The actual roast meats combination should be similar in theory to last year's multi-bird roast, I need to chat with my butcher about what cuts will be best. I doubt the water bath is an option for me, so I'll need to keep it moist somehow. The actual beast to serve it from, well, I'm not a taxidermist and have no access to random animal parts. I think the neighbours would notice if their cat went missing!

Next year, the Husband is banned from watching ALL cooking shows.

Jade Goody

I never thought I would ever blog about Jade Goody, but here we are. When I read today about her death, I was struck by her age, 27. That is the same age as me, it shocked me. She has crammed a whole lot into that life. I remember watching her on Big Brother, it was the summer I (and she) turned 21, I honestly can't think of any other Big Brother contestant who has made such a big impact following their time "in the house". Over the last 7 years she became, love her or hate her, a celebrity, constantly in our consciousness and our tabloids. I hope her two young children are allowed to remember her media triumphs and feel proud of what she achieved.

Something she was quoted as saying grabbed me;
"The hard truth is I'd be dead if they hadn't cleared the blockage in my bowel," she revealed after the op. "The tumour made me constipated and caused my body to start bloating. My biggest fear was that I would have to have a colostomy bag. I've dealt with losing my hair - but a poo bag, that really would have been the final indignity for a woman. But, like everything else, I've coped because I have to. Where there's life there's hope. That is what I'm clinging on to."
I'm sure that Jade was speaking in a "silver lining" kind of context, but I want anyone reading her comments to know that a colostomy bag is not an indignity. In any situation.

I have met women will colostomy bags who have them following bowel cancer, mine was due to bowel obstruction from Crohn's Disease. In all cases these were life saving procedures and the dignity with which many of these women have overcome their illness is a lesson to me.

I have already encountered this attitude - in hospital, while recovering from my colostomy operation. A lady was brought into the ward (which contained me and another lady also with colostomy), she'd had surgery to some part of her intestines. She was complaining loudly to her visitors about how uncomfortable she was and how awful the surgery had been, then she said "at least I didn't have to get a bag, that really would have been impossible to live with". I mused about telling her that it wasn't that bad, actually, but I put her comments down to morphine and forgave her!

No matter how prominent, or loud, the person with that opinion is, I can honestly say that This "poo bag" has given me a life I'd stopped believing possible.

Stomach Bug with a Stomach Bag

Bleurgh. That's how I feel right now. I've been afflicted by a stomach bug for that past 5 days. Without a normal immune system and normal intestines, I am finding it tough to fight the virus. On top of that, the antibiotics my GP prescribed weren't available, so I have to wait until Monday to get them. I'm sick and feeling pathetic.

What I really want is a cup of chicken noodle soup. Worst thing is, I have all the ingredients in the house. Chicken, stock, carrots, onions, and exciting gluten free alphabet noodles from the USA. I just can't stand up for long enough to combine the above without being sick, or feeling dizzy. I can hear the ingredients taunting me from fridge and cupboard. Instead I have to make to with tinned tomato soup. It's fine, but it's just not what I NEED. Chicken. Noodle. Soup.

Bleurgh.